My ex landlady
Used to wrestle men in our living room for money
We all objected at first
My flatmates and I
But you see
We weren’t actually paying any council tax
Due to us not “really” renting from her
(as far as the council was concerned anyway)
and thus
on that fateful day
when we had one of those “house meetings”
only for my landlady to say
well..
propose actually
her new method of making money
at first we protested
initially
but we weren’t actually paying any council tax
the bills were nominal divided by us three
and the rent was so low that….
No honestly!
At first the idea of the arrangement
Aroused great offence.
Insult even.
It was impossible to consent
Regardless of the locks that would be put on our doors
A new telly
The prospect of a leather sofa
And maybe our first house party
In the summer
Which never would have been allowed previously
But wrestling? In our living room?
For?
Money?
Only wrestling?
When we would all be working?
And locks on our doors?
Well still it was unbelievable
Surreal to expect in one’s abode
But you see
We weren’t actually paying council tax
The rent was so low
The rooms might as well have been free
And for the most part our land lady was quite lovely
And we all really would be at work when it happened and
No wait listen to me!!!
Are we actually allowing random men
To come to our house, our living room
wrestle?
Our landlady?
And to think the whole thing arranged by an agency
Catering to men with such proclivities
Was it worth it? The money?
Two hundred pounds hourly?!!
The option to be her sidekick passed through my mind fleetingly
She grinned gratutitously
But none of us were convinced
Until she reminded of the fact
That we weren’t actually paying any council tax
And our collective rent was so low
The rooms could have been free
And it was very very likely
That others would be how could she say it
More amenable to the situation
So with some reservation, we three agreed
Convincing ourselves (mostly out of greed)
That our rent, ridiculously low as it was
And the absence of council tax
Was worth a few small (??!!) sacrifices
Believe it or not
I lasted three years there
Until for two of us it was all we could bare
As he departed for largish modern suburban house share
And as for me
I found my own lair
A studio flat, and yes the rent is rather more dear
And oh yes the third, well for him I fear
He ceased to find the living room dynamic In any way problematic
And when I chide
He mumbles unconvincingly the following aside
“ Well uh.. I’m not paying council tax?
And the rent is pretty low so…the room might as well be
Free?”
And I can still see his argument
But as for making it
I’m so glad it’s no longer me.
dear readers,
