“Everyone” is an artist..”

from an early age i was obsessed with making compilation tapes.

you can imagine how gutted i was when cassette decks went well and truly out of fashion.

not only did this mean i could no longer sweat over making a track finish neatly with the a or b side… did this mean that all of the tapes i had made over the years for friends and lovers would all be chucked aside???!! after all that time and effort?? and re-playing and re-listening

and what about all the tapes i had RECEIVED in the past??? I just can’t bring myself to throw them away despite the fact i have been without a tape deck for at least three years. and now when everyone under the age of forty (EXCEPT ME!!)  has an ipod. i have hemmed and hawed over the ipod issue.

its a dangerous device for me i think. far too much potential to organize and subdivide my music collection. i’m not ready to give up the spare time.

anyways i have gotten used to making cd compilations . But they are not  nearly as exciting to make, especially as its easier to preview, play with track orders and you always know that the content will fit neatly on the disc before burning.

what happened to the good old days? ?? when just as you had the track list right you discovered the tape ran out in the middle of the last track… what to do? re-record the last track you decided on over the next to last track? record "silence" over the failed last track? rethink the whole compilation and start again?

these concerns are all now irrelevant. i make cd comps for me and my friends.

  I even bought a mini disc player years ago in defiance of the "fad" that "was" the ipod (o.k. o.k. but it was years ago and we all make mistakes)

and of late i have been listening to webcasts and have finally deigned to make my own. how wonderful, compilations for the world at large!!!

listen here

slipped disc playlist

p.s. i am however, seriously considering buying a "vintage" "retro" black sony cassette walkman.

am i crazy and anti-technology? or just nostalgic for the music format days of yore? comments most welcome.

so a lot has happened since i last blogged. I missed the point when i could really go on at great length about "7/7" as it has been now dubbed. Its almost unfashionable in this city to even mention it, unless you are or are related to one of the "survivors" but just to give this a little context

please click on the thumbnail to the left. The little blue star where i drew is where i live. All of the stations around that little star, thats where bombs happened. the purple star on the left thats where i work, you’ll notice another highlighted area above…

but amidst this crazy cultural political climate that makes me angry, upset , worried and sometimes strangely unfazed, something else happened today

i lost my smoking buddy.

The wierd thing is the last time I saw my smoking buddy was the day of the attacks. I had walked in to work as i have been for months. All of the attacks happened during that walk into work. By the time I reached my office building there were loads of people crammed outside the electronics shop next door. They were all eagerly watching the tv. What on earth was going on? My smoking buddy (he works in the shop) walked out and saw my look of concern. He asked if I was alright

When I asked him what was going on, he said what many thought at the time, that there had been a power surge on the tube, people were panicking and calling it attacks, overeactions, its all fine, whatever.. and then i walked up to my office and the truth of what had happened finally began spilling out on the news. 

I refer to this guy as "my smoking buddy" because i never got round to remembering his name. but he always remembered mine. He was a little bit cheeky with a seriously dry wit. I always cheered up when i saw him. He loved to complain about his shop, but clearly he had been there long enough to be useful to his manager. he was so out of place there though. he looked like he should be in a band, or  in a design studio, or at least a design bookshop. he kept saying he was going to sort out his photo portfolio and get out of there.

so maybe he did? suddenly this other guy is standing outside the shop lighting up where my ciggarette buddy should be. i really hope he moved on to something better…

ladies, gentleman and and…ladies.

i am a lesbian

actuallly as much as my girlfriend hates the term

i prefer the word DYKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why i would prefer such a course term to name my sexuality? simple. the word DYKE is sharper, shorter, edgier . i can’t say it without smiling. (and a cheeky smile at that)

however with those i’m  a little less aquainted with i tend to stick to the word gay or avoid terminology all together and make innocent references to my girlfriend. i’ve been out for years. i came out as bi at the age of 15 while i still had a quite serious relationship with a boyfriend. once becoming more aquainted to the wonderful world of women i dropped any pretense of attraction to men altogether.

i have marched in pride parades in two cities, frequent the gay scene in many more, and know how to say the word lesbian and/or gay in at least 5 languages.

all my colleagues at work know, my mom knows, my cousins know, my uncles know, all of my friends, probably most of my neighborhood and very likely my landlord is aware as well, (judging by the fact that the main person who visits and stays over is my girlfriend and having a distinct lack of "gentleman callers")

but despite being so terribly open, there is one very important person who i have never been able to broach the subject…

my father.

whenever i bring this up to my friends the first thing the say is

"he knows"

i havn’t ever said the words "i am a lesbian" to my father. but i’ve done very little to keep him guessing. when i was fifteen i was leaving the free gay paper out in the house, spending all my free time in the gayest neighborhood of dc, and well practically running the drama dept may have been some kind of clue, but then usually that applies more to males.

unknown to my father he has met four of my girlfriends (including my current one). a couple have even stayed at my house. and as boy crazy as i was in highschool not one boys name has been romantically mentioned in ten years.

the last time he was in town i had a screening. i couldn’t not invite him. the screening was of a documentary i made. the subject matter: a lesbian beauty pageant. some of my freinds eagerly anticipated my inevitable "outting"

after the screening i nervously asked my father what he thought of the film. and after a moment of thought he said

"i liked it…it was …interesting "