between the lines
I sent him a text…..
I sent him a question
“Are you the last thing I need?”
Immediately he replied
“almost certainly”
so a day later I sent
“what is it about the word Almost
That always gets me into trouble?
He replied
“the first syllable”
so i thought about the first
meditated on the second
“is it really the all…? Or the most? I can never quite tell”
and then I clicked send
I keep walking, its half past
Christmas party meltdown
Soho makes me feel like a ghost
every familiar street, bar, piece of graffiti
haunts me with some kind of memory
Where we kissed
Broke
Decided to have another go
I need a neutral land
I need a place free of connections
I want to be somewhere
As unknown to me as me to it
I want to be where the streets don’t
whisper reminders.
I want to be deaf to my own history
I want to meet people
who’ve seen none of my past
My phone went off again
…Another text
“you back?”
He asked
“I’m always back somewhere”
I said
And then he sent a longer answer
(sometimes he fancies himself a writer)
“so is everyone…
Back at home
Back from holiday
Back and forth
And over backward
Only the scale varies…”
and so i sent
“welcome back…”
And then
And then
And then there were no
further texts from him.
And I was left walking
only to pause for
no particular reason
On a street corner Considering
this tiny phone screen
trying my best to read
between our lines
————- Paula Varjack
3 London gigs to kick the year off!! check out paulavarjack.com
